Freaky Fridays

Sex Goddess
November 7, 2006

Dear Sex Goddess,

Shame, shame, shame! I am now really into using no protection during sex. I am an educated sista, I know how stupid it is. I mean, I had fantasized about it for a long time but never done it -- then recently I did and my knees are still knockin'. HELP A SISTA OUT! Cause it was as amazing as I thought it would be and now I'm skerred I'ma get the itch or somethin'. But what do I do? How can I go back to having that wall of latex between the skins? Help!

Raw Dawg

Dear Raw Dawg,

The itch or somethin' … ah, there's the rub. Literally. The Sex Goddess is a naturalist ... that is to say, I totally understand the fantasy for the all natural experience, body to body. I actually know so many activists and organizers who have worked specifically on the issue of training safe sex, AIDS education, reducing teen pregnancy -- all of that -- who still slip on this, or slip on that, but don't slip on a condom or dental dam when they know better. If you really, really, really want it raw, there is a way. Decide to be exclusive with your partner and make sure that's cool with him or her, and go get tested together so you know what's up in the realm of sexual transmissions. If you're partner is male, decide whether you want to get pregnant. If not, work with your OB/GYN to choose a birth control method. Remember that there are a lot of other options for birth control than latex condoms. Learn about the fertility awareness method, which more and more women are discovering as an empowering alternative to medication -- for the naturalist in you. And once you've done all of that, look your lover in the eyes, say "give it to me raw", and live the fantasy!



Dear SG,

I have recently decided to accept my sexuality, and to move forward with involvement with romantic relationships. Yet, I can not seem to get the nerve to reach out to anyone in particular in whom I may have interest. A lot of times I get really interested in pursuing romantic endeavors, yet I lose my courage when the time comes to make actual attempts. Do I look into support groups, on line clubs, or what? Where is my nerve??

Curious, Yet Cowardly

Dear Curious Yet Cowardly,

Ah, pursuing romantic endeavors. It helps to first understand what is holding you back. There are some folks out there who like nothing more than cold mackin' strangers. They are not in the majority, and there's a wide range of reasons why.

Let's do a little quiz. When you go to hit on someone do you feel:

a. scared to death that they are going to totally ignore you or let you down hard
b. unclear about the other person's sexuality
c. unsure what to ask the other person for (number? coffee? dinner? one night stand?)

If you couldn't even choose, ‘cause all three are so on point, then I suggest to spend the next week waking up every morning and looking in the mirror and repeating one line: "I deserve to get it on." Feel free to edit ... "I deserve romantic endeavors" is also fine. But something along those lines. Fake it till you make it!



Do you have a question? Email SG at


1. I hate rules!
2. There are no stupid questions, only stupid hang-ups.
3. Pleasure came before political correctness, and so should you!
4. Love yourself first.

Who: Who I am is unimportant. I do, however, enjoy sex, dally in various relationships, and on top of that I am an organizer by trade, or perhaps faith. I declare here and now that I know as much as anyone about sex and relationships -- which is roughly nothing and everything.

Why: Organizers, activists, change makers, closet progressives -- people trying to save the world often have a hard time figuring out how to ‚ ¨¶ do it. Whatever it might be at the moment -- love, dominate, submit, indulge, deny, give, take, fight, let go, wonder, know. I secretly suspect that if everyone were able to find the freedom to really love and please themselves (not to mention each other), the world would be a much more peaceful place.

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