Freaky Fridays

Sex Goddess
January 29, 2007

Dear Sex Goddess,

My partner and I are in our late 30s and, in my opinion, we are not having sex as much as we need to. We've been together for a long time and we're affectionate, we kiss and hug, but we're not having actual sex. It's like we're just friends. I will admit that I don't initiate. She once told me I was too demanding. So now I don't demand. And it doesn't happen. This sucks.

Desperately Pushing Rewind

Dear Rewind,

Aw shucks. So it's easy to let life sort of pile up and before you know it you aren't having sex nearly as often as you should with the love of your life. And if you have a little grudge there, some unfinished conversations, if the affection never turns to passionate back-defying multi-orgasmic lovemaking … then there's a problem. Just talk about it. Start with how you felt hurt when she called you demanding and are unsatisfied with the lack of sex. What do you need to feel better? Ask how your partner is feelin … what are her needs? You don't have to have sex to be more than friends, but -- you both need to feel you are partners, or you aren't. After that conversation, if it goes well, do the damn thing right then and there.



Sex Goddess,

It's simple: My girl loves drunksex. I have a much harder time getting it up and keeping it up if we do it drunk. But, I love drinking -- I even love that swirly passing out feeling. I don't wanna stop drinking. But, she is way hotter when she's drunk. It's like torture.



Er … break up and stop enabling each other in your co-dependent raging alcoholism? Just kidding! Sort of. I love a drink here and there too. 'Drunksex,' as you've coined it, can be fun. Sometimes. But your sex life shouldn't be determined or deterred by your drinking behaviors. If you get to the point where you enjoy that swirly, passing out feeling more than a good old hard on, it's time to get some help. You don't have to go the AA twelve-step route -- I'm a fan of harm reduction ( myself. But in the name of all that's sexy, stop torturing yourselves!



Do you have a question? Email SG at


1. I hate rules!
2. There are no stupid questions, only stupid hang-ups.
3. Pleasure came before political correctness, and so should you!
4. Love yourself first.

Who: Who I am is unimportant. I do, however, enjoy sex, dally in various relationships, and on top of that I am an organizer by trade, or perhaps faith. I declare here and now that I know as much as anyone about sex and relationships -- which is roughly nothing and everything.

Why: Organizers, activists, change makers, closet progressives -- people trying to save the world often have a hard time figuring out how to ... do it. Whatever it might be at the moment -- love, dominate, submit, indulge, deny, give, take, fight, let go, wonder, know. I secretly suspect that if everyone were able to find the freedom to really love and please themselves (not to mention each other), the world would be a much more peaceful place.

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